Henry Ian Cusick: 100, you have been found guilty of the most egregious crime known to space station: a twenty-something playing a teenager!

Eliza Taylor: No, I’m eighteen! Really! Can’t there be any leniency?

Henry Ian Cusick: There might’ve been, but you are also found guilty of an offense that is, in its own way, even more serious: not being a genre television character actor. How do you find?

Paige Turco: Guilty.

Kelly Hu: Guilty.

Eliza Taylor: Hold on a minute, Paige Turco, you’re just Reese’s girlfriend on Person of Interest, that doesn’t count!

Paige Turco: I was also April O’Neil in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!

Eliza Taylor: What, really?

Paige Turco: Well, one of them.

-Well, there are parents objecting to their children being sent to their deaths for little to no reason, so already this is more plausible than The Hunger Games.

-Given that two people died just landing, shouldn’t this be called The 98? Or was it The 102 and NOW it’s The 100?

-Lens flare, so it’s gotta be the future, and knitwear, so it’s gotta be post-apocalyptic. 

-So this is pretty much just Muppet Babies Lost, then, huh?

-Well, Lost would’ve waited, like, two seasons to reveal that Bellamy’s ‘unspeakable crime’ was shooting Isaiah Washington, which as far as shooting people named Washington goes, that’s pretty much the best one you could shoot. So point withdrawn.

-Henry Ian Cusick: Well, time to get my character alignment! Let’s see, I’m willing to do whatever it takes to ensure the survival of the human race, even if it means shooting people out an airlock.

Character alignment: Lawful evil!

Henry Ian Cusick: What? C’mon, you gave Roslin Lawful Good!

Paige Turco: Listen, when you’re a woman doing whatever it takes to survive, you’re a strong female character. When you’re a man, you’re a libertarian. I don’t make the rules.

Henry Ian Cusick: Yeah, yeah. But we all know, if this were BSG, you’re be fucking Helo. 

Paige Turco: Do you mean I’d be Athena or…?

-Alright, I get that this is based on a near-future situation where all the space-faring countries have built a space station together, so it’s the US, China, and assorted European nations, but shouldn’t India be in there? I mean, c’mon, CW, was it that hard to see their space program coming?

-Octavia Blake: (see, I have learned a few names) I’ve been locked up since the day I was born, just because my parents wanted to have more than one child!

Well, if it prevents another Duggars situation…