Spockvarietyhour: Miri

Pretty name for a pretty young woman. - Kirk

Pretty? - Miri

Very Pretty. - Kirk

KIRK, SHE’S LIKE TWELVE.

The full creep factor of this episode did not hit me until I was older. I miss not feeling like Kirk was a total cretin.

It honestly has not helped my efforts to appreciate him more on the grand scale.

#I have a ship to save and his little girl has the answers.

Kirk. WHAT WHAT WHAT ARE YOU DOING. SO WE SEDUCE HER? THIS STUPID BITCH IS LIKE FOUR THOUSAND YEARS OLD KIRK AND SHE STILL HASN’T HIT PUBERTY. EITHER WAY YOU LOOK AT IT YOU’RE SCREWED AND I HOPE NOT LITERALLY BECAUSE EVEN IN THE TWENTY THIRD CENTURY THAT’S STATUTORY

But —

NO. NO. YOU’RE GOING TO GO BACK TO YOUR VULCAN AND YOUR DOCTOR AND RECORD A SAD ENTRY IN YOUR CAPTAIN’S LOG AND FORGET ABOUT THIS. AND BY THE WAY YOUR TOUPE LOOKS FABULOUS. THIS MAY BE THE LEAST RIPPED YOUR SHIRT HAS EVER BEEN. AND TO THINK YOU WERE GOING TO TAKE IT OFF FOR THAT LITTLE GREMLIN AND HER ARMY OF CHILD/MONKEY HYBRIDS.

lehxluthor

YOU’RE SUCH A STUPID BITCH.

YOUR TOUPE LOOKS FABULOUS. THIS MAY BE THE LEAST RIPPED YOUR SHIRT HAS EVER BEEN.

BETH.

BETH.

spockvarietyhour

Bones: Jim’s she’s already going to be in therapy for the rest of her life.

Jim: But…

Bones: YOUR PENIS CAN’T SOLVE EVERY SITUATION.

Jim: But…

Spock: The odds are against your favor.

Jim: But…

Bones: FOR GOD’S SAKE MAN WE HAVE 3 UNEXPLORED PLANETS COMING UP AND AT LEAST ONE PLEASURE CIRCUS, KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS.

Jim: But…

Spock: Rand seemed particular open to any advance, even the nonexistent one.

Bones: SPOCK JIM WOULDN’T TOUCH HER WITH YOUR GREEN-EYED GOBLIN!

Spock: My green-eyed Goblin?

Jim: If I could just get in a word…

Bones: Why don’t you just tell him to seduce Scotty while you’re at it??!!

Jim: I HAVE NO INTEREST IN THESE BRAIN-ADDLED, MORONIC ELF-KIDS!!!

Spock and Bones: ah.

Jim: I’ll be in my quarters with a Sears catalog, don’t bother me unless the Romulans decides to invade.

Miri

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