“it’s easy” can make scary tasks scarier
realsocialskills
When people are struggling or afraid to try something, well-meaning people often try to help them by telling them that the thing is easy. This often backfires.
For instance:
- Kid: I don’t know how to write a paper! This paper has to be 5 pages long, and we have to do research! It’s so hard!
- Parent: Don’t worry. 5 pages isn’t that much. This isn’t such a hard assignment.
In this interaction, the parent is trying to help, but the message the kid is likely hearing is “This shouldn’t be hard. You’re failing at an easy thing.”
If something is hard or scary, it’s better to acknowledge that, and focus on reassuring them that it is possible. (And, if necessary and appropriate, help them to find ways of seeing it as possible.)
For instance:
- Kid: I don’t know how to write a paper! This paper has to be 5 pages long, and we have to do research! It’s so hard!
- Parent: It’s hard, and that’s ok. You can do hard things.
- Parent: What are you writing about?
- Kid: Self-driving cars. But I can’t find anything.
And so on.
This isn’t unique to interactions between parents and children. It can also happen between friends, and in other types of relationships.
tl;dr If something’s hard for someone, telling them that it’s easy probably won’t help. Reassuring them that they can do hard things often does help, especially if you can support them in figuring out how to do the thing.
autisticeducator
They have actually done research on this. In cultures and households where kids are told that to struggle with something is a good thing, the kids are more likely to continue to try to do the thing before giving up. In their minds, they are thinking “This thing is hard but if I keep trying or try a different method, maybe I will succeed at it.”
Telling people that things should be easy or that it should come natural (aka talent), actually inhibits their willingness to try as they think that if they can’t do a task that is “easy”, something must be wrong with them.
