mrs-jamie-wellerstein
ONE OF MY FAVORITE COLD OPENS EVER
themadkingofplants
[Captions below <3]
Holt walks in.
Jake: Whoa, whats with the cast?
Holt: I sprained my wrist.
Amy: (legitimately concerned my baby) Oh no, what happened!
Holt: Don’t worry about it. I’m fine.
Jake: Yeah! Geez, Amy, back off. Leave the guy alone. (Makes sure Holt is safely in his office) Alright, huddle up, everyone. Bring it in, bring it in. So he wouldn’t say what happened which can only mean one thing.
Gina: He’s in a fight club.
Jake: No. He did it doing something he’s embarrased by. Like smiling! Only question is, how do hurt your arm smiling?
Charles: Could be a sports injury. I sprained my wrist in college playing field hockey.
Terry: (incredulous) Men’s field hockey?
Charles: Yeah! Much more violent than the womens game, we’re not allowed to wear anything that protects our breasts!
Holt: (interrupting.) Attention! Everyone. I can hear you speculating about the nature of my injury from my office. I tripped over an uneven sidewalk. I did not think it was relevent to your jobs, the jobs which you should all be doing, right now. Get to work. (adressing Jake once everyone has returned to their stations) Do you want to know how I actually hurt my wrist?
Jake: (Suprised) Yes.
Holt: I was Hula Hooping. Kevin and I attend a class for fitness and for fun.
Jake: (breathless with awe) Oh my god.
Holt: I’ve mastered all the moves. (Showing Jake pictures of him hulaing on his phone) The Pizza Toss. The Tornado. The Scorpian. The Oopsey Doodle.
Jake: (Gleeful) Why are you telling me this?
Holt: Because no one…will ever believe you. (Deletes image on his phone.)
Jake: (horrified) No. No! You sick son of a bitch!
Intro music plays.
