glitchedwitch
Listen, I know we try to keep it nice on this show, we try not to be mean… this is maybe the funniest thing I’ve ever heard.
prettyjuno
TRANSCRIPT
JUSTIN, READING A QUESTION: I was getting my Munch Squad on at McDonald’s breakfast after work. When I sat down for my feast, a guy walked in the door, looked at me, and said, “Idiot can’t even make his own pancakes. How pathetic.”
JUSTIN STARTS LAUGHING
GRIFFIN, SERIOUS: Don’t laugh at that!
JUSTIN LAUGHING
GRIFFIN: I mean, it’s - it’s a -
JUSTIN, STILL LAUGHING: Let me finish!
GRIFFIN: It’s a power play.
JUSTIN TRIES TO SPEAK BUT HE’S INCOHERENT.
JUSTIN, THROUGH HYSTERICS: He saw someone just eating breakfast at McDonald’s, and then - he sat down to eat, a guy walked in the door, looked at them, and said “idiot can’t make his own pancakes, how pathetic” and then WALKED BACK OUT! What is -?! What?!
SOMEBODY CLAPPING, TRAVIS AND GRIFFIN CRACKING UP IN THE BACKGROUND
JUSTIN, STILL THROUGH LAUGHTER: What is this - what is this fucking mysterious assassin? Um. “I tried to enjoy my meal, but all I could taste were dejection and tears. How can I track this guy down, explain how restaurants work, and project the image of a man who definitely understands the process of making pancakes to every stranger I encounter?” And that’s from Hobbs.
JUSTIN DEVOLVES INTO MORE WORDLESS LAUGHTER
GRIFFIN: Here’s the thing. This thing this person did was… wrong, but also I think very funny maybe also?
JUSTIN TRIES TO INTERJECT.
GRIFFIN: Because, I mean, the alternative is that you walk into a Pizza Hut and you’re like, “All these fucking idiots don’t know how to make their own pizza. Bye!”
JUSTIN, LAUGHING: It’s very funny!
HE RECOVERS, THEN SAYS:
JUSTIN: I think a nicer - there’s a nicer way of doing this. Here’s the nicer, amazing way of doing this: walk into McDonald’s, see someone eating a stack of pancakes, hand them a recipe for pancakes, and then walk out the door.
GRIFFIN: Now doing - that’s a sweet way of doing - you’re right Justin, this is the MBMBaM way of doing this.
JUSTIN: That’s the nice way to do it.
GRIFFIN: You walk in and you hand them a recipe for pancakes, and you say -
JUSTIN: So hilarious.
GRIFFIN: - And you say, “For next time”.
JUSTIN: “For next time, try this! Go for it.”
GRIFFIN: “And it’s fun!”
JUSTIN: “Hey, it’s fun.”
TRAVIS: I wanna be -
JUSTIN: “And if you do it wrong, they’re crepes.”
GRIFFIN: “It’s fine.”
TRAVIS: I wanna be in the head of the person who’s walking by McDonald’s, sees someone eating a stack of flapjacks, and is like, “I gotta go in there and say something”.
JUSTIN: “I gotta get ‘em. I gotta get ‘em.”
GRIFFIN: Fucking double parts.
TRAVIS: Just both of them, a lot of McDonald’s, rolls out -
JUSTIN, LOWERING HIS VOICE: “Hey, Victoria, just go around the block. I’m just gonna be a sec.”
[CROSSTALK]
TRAVIS: No, you don’t understand, you don’t get it, you don’t get it - I’m not getting anything in there.
JUSTIN: I think they went in wanting to buy something, and then they just had a -
[CROSSTALK]
JUSTIN: “They have pancakes here?! You can do this at home!” Listen, I know we try to keep it nice on this show, we try not to be mean… this is maybe the funniest thing I’ve ever heard.
JUSTIN STARTS LAUGHING AGAIN
GRIFFIN: It’s the best.
JUSTIN: I’m trying so hard not to be entertained by this.
GRIFFIN: It’s not funny that you got bullied, and it’s not funny that this person’s an ass - what’s funny is the idea of walking into a restaurant, just already pre-angry that people here are eating things that they can just as easily make at home.
TRAVIS AND JUSTIN LAUGHING
TRAVIS, HIGH PITCHED: It’s just so good!
JUSTIN: It’s so good, though! [THROUGH TEARS] Oh, man.
GRIFFIN: Do they walk into auto-body shops like “change your own oil! Idiots!”
TRAVIS: “Idiot doesn’t even know how to do a triple bypass!”
GRIFFIN: Oh, dumb.
JUSTIN SNIFFLING.
JUSTIN: Wow. It’s just very mean, but very funny.
TRAVIS: I mean, it’s real-life trolling. That’s exactly what it is.
GRIFFIN: Yeah.
JUSTIN: Yeah!
GRIFFIN: Well, then I’m not - and now you’ve ruined it. Now I’m not for it anymore.
TRAVIS: Oh, no.
