things i have called jim kirk while watching tos:

• a honeybaked ham
• your second margarita had on a breezey sunday afternoon
• man of many eyelashes
• the gentlest smile™
• thicc boy. a real beef of a lad
• mr. emotions
• inventor of Fistfight Acrobatics in the Least Appropriate place and time
• space feminist
• salad oppressor
• jim ‘i have tore through 3 shirts in the last hour’ kirk
• jimbo
• jim jimminy jim jim jimmerie
• the first bite of a warm cookie
• five golden retrievers in a human suit
• medical checkup evader extraordinaire
• sunshine’s literal embodiment