I wish vampires were real but for very specific reasons.
for instance the earliest recorded use of the word "Hello" is 1826. 1826. we've been saying hello for less than 2 measley centuries! see I want a vampire who complains about that shit
the 'same' word with different spelling goes back farther, but hello is derived from the 16th cent french holà aka ‘ho there’ meaning 'stop! cease!'
so the next time you tell someone hello, just know that in another era you would mean it as a threat :)
#personally I still mean it as a threat