paramaline
“i was just trying to score a free hawaiian vacation” is, given the context and circumstances in which it is revealed, the absolute funniest villain origin story imaginable
#the whole farce was a complete success #imagine showing up to the arctic at the bottom of a company food chain #when you were expecting ladies in hula skirts and cheesy postcards #what does my man EC do? no he does not lament or waste time #whiped his dick out on a carnival cruise #got lead poisoning #tormented an irish sea captain #tormented a local youth pastor #pawned off some chump change ring and a pair of custom monogrammed doc martens #became enamored with several white boys with brains the consistency of bisquick batter like some kind of perverse Mama Mia! spinoff #fought a bear with his own two hands #got his tongue swiped like my uncle in his 1989 ford pickup hitting a pothole in Georgia and biting it clean off #and then he got fucking rest on a beached life boat in an unforgiving wasteland surrounded by sad men #you can only call it a failure if you haven’t lived that truth (via suburbanpunk)
