Renfield: Aren't you that girl who turned down Dr Seward's proposal

Seward: How did you know about that?

Renfield: Please. Everybody knows about that

Mina: no I'm not. I have my own husband actually

Renfield: oh good because she's dead. Hey, did the good Doctor tell you about that time I tried to eat him?

Mina: yes actually!

Renfield: Awesome!

*gently shaking jonathan* what do you MEAN mina looked paler and more tired than usual you little idiot vampire hunter

I’m the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral

Can’t understand what I mean? You soon will

- Abraham van Helsing, M.D., D.Ph., D.Litt., etc.

It makes so much sense that Jack "let's let the patient escape for science" Seward was mentored by Abraham "it's only a little grave desecration" van Helsing.

I used to think I would like to practise interviewing; Jonathan's friend on "The Exeter News" told him that memory was everything in such work

Breaking news: Jonathan has a friend who isn't his wife or his bossfather

Imagine going through hell and back to become a sick vampire just to be given a name like "the bloofer lady" by the local children

Van Helsing: *has a hysterical breakdown*

Seward: *tries to bully him into normal behaviour, as is the recommended method of dealing with women who are freaking out at the time*

Van Helsing: *breaks down harder*

Seward: This guy is so fucking manly

the most relatable moment in this very relatable book is when van helsing tells mina all women have bad memories for detail and she smiles politely and hands him her shorthand diary on purpose because she knows he won’t be able to read it and makes a little joke about eve in her head