hell? empty. all the devils? here.

omg this wasn’t a “dick? out” joke this was a shakespeare quote don’t be crass

Hell: empty
Devils: here
Dick: out

I AM FORCIBLY REMOVED FROM THE GLOBE THEATRE

This was told to me by a land surveyor doing a job for me today. We’ll call him SURVEYBOSS (SB).

SB is doing survey in this quiet residential neighborhood. Wide quiet streets with almost no cars. SB is in middle of road with instruments set up taking some readings. Plenty of space on either side of him for car to pass. SB is wearing bright orange vest and reflective gear. Lady in bmw zips up way to fast, but comes to almost stop as she passes SB and shouts “get out of the road asshole!”

SURVEYBOSS responds with a confident fuck you as the lady passes. She slams on brakes and hops out of car, pointing and screaming as she approaches him. ‘Who do you work for asshole I’m calling your supervisor you are done, blah blah blah’

SURVEYBOSS walks to truck reluctantly and submissively hands the lady a business card. She gets in car, and drives off pulling over to shoulder about 75ft down the road.

SB pulls his ringing cell phone from pocket calmly and instead of saying ‘hello’, says ‘I thought I told you to go fuck yourself’