‘Life is very full of sex, or should be. As much as I admire Tolkien — and I do, he was a giant of fantasy and a giant of literature, and I think he wrote a great book that will be read for many years — you do have to wonder where all those Hobbits came from, since you can’t imagine Hobbits having sex, can you? Well, sex is an important part of who we are. It drives us, it motivates us, it makes us do sometimes very noble things and it makes us do sometimes incredibly stupid things. Leave it out, and you’ve got an incomplete world.’ George R R Martin (source)

no disrespect to george rr martin but this quote cracks me up bcos every time i see if I’m just like, no george… you can’t imagine hobbits having sex. ;P

FOUND IT & I say again: I can imagine hobbits having sex just fine.

Georgey boy here forgetting Sam’s 13 kids.

he didn’t forget about them. he just doesn’t understand where they came from.

That’s even funnier, then.

george rr martin, looking at the gamgee family tree and crying: wh-where… where did they all come from…….

this man is apparently under the impression that we need sex scenes to understand that sex exists in any given story universe and honestly that explains so much about his writing

It really does

HOBBITS FUCK GOOD AND THEY FUCK OFTEN

“When we are going to have sex?”

“…We’ve already had it.”

“We’ve had it once, yes. What about second sex?”

Does he realize The Hobbit is a children’s book?

“I mean it’s very whimsical and fun but where are all the sex scenes”

“Sir please leave this bookshop…”

lack of object permanence but with sex

though I still love Chronicles of Narnia the older I get and the more I learn the clearer it becomes to me why it would have driven Tolkien completely insane

The Santa part almost ruined their friendship

Tolkien: you can’t just patch random things together because you like them, everything has to fit together in a dense textural weave of reasonable causes and effects

Lewis: and then the witch from the other dimension turns the fox to stone for having a contraband tea party …

Tolkein is the nerd that complains that characters’ costumes and weapons are impractical and Lewis is the nerd that thinks the designs fuck

hi i’m tolkien here are my ocs. i call them Elves (not elfs!!! if you call them elfs i will block you) they look like humans but they’re tall, live forever, and have pointy ears. that’s it bye

cs lewis: are you alright with constructive criticism? i dont want to sound mean

tolkien: no go ahead i want to hear it

cs lewis: they fucking suck

tolkien: thats not constructive criticism

cs lewis: here’s my OC, it’s jesus but he’s a lion
tolkien: Furry
cs lewis: blocked

Tolkien: lamp posts don’t exist in fantasy worlds
Cs Lewis: ok you know what fuck you

CS Lewis: I could beta for you if you want. help you trim the fat on your stories

Tolkien: what do you mean

CS Lewis: I just. you describe a lot of trees.  are trees that important

Tolkien: just you fucking wait. trees are SO important.

~and that day, Tolkien invented ents~

@urulokid

CS Lewis: Not more trees.

Tolkien: This one’s based on you.

casual reminder that Lewis and Tolkein almost completely ended their friendship over Lewis having Santa make an appearance in The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe because Tolkein hated it so fucking much.

CS Lewis: bitch

Tolkien: blocked

CS Lewis: wait unblock me i need to tell you something

Tolkien: unblocked

CS Lewis: bitch

why is it not common knowledge that tolkien and c s lewis once went to a non-costume party dressed as polar bears

tolkien also used to chase his neighbours down the street in full viking warrior gear, and once convinced a class he taught that leprechauns are real

IS THIS TRUE BECAUSE THIS IS GOLD. PURE GOLD

Both facts well documented.  From this bio, for instance:

Prologue: Choir Auditions Today (Improvisational Jazz Not Welcome)

Introduction: Dear World, Meet Your New Bosses

1. Melkor Says Light Is For Squares

2.  Aulë Gets To Sleep On The Couch

3. The Elves Take A Road Trip

4. Getting Distracted By A Hot Girl Only Leads To Good Things

5. Paradise Is A Sort-Of Island In The Middle Of Nowhere

6. This Pardon Is Absolutely The Right Decision

7. The Best Way To Deal With Stress Is Infighting

8. Melkor Says Light Is For Squares (Again)

9. Fëanor Makes A Rash Decision

10. Teamwork And Magic Can Fix Anything 

11. The Valar Say Light Is Awesome

12. Men Shall (Eventually) Inherit The Earth

13. Cliffhangers Suck

14. Everybody Gets A Kingdom

15. Banning A Language Will Totally Solve Your Problems

16. Orphan Does His Best To Fit In After Horrible Childhood

17.  Men Show Up Fifteen Minutes Late With Starbucks

18. There Is Absolutely No Way It Can Get Worse

19. The Happiest People In This Book Have Fun Adventures

20. It Got Worse

21. You Won’t Believe How Awful This Guy’s Life Is

22. Aggressive Negotiations Make Everyone Hate You

23. When Ulmo Says Leave, You Leave

24. The Valar Get Dangerous

Interlude: Colonialism Is Caused By Devil Worship

Epilogue: By Now You Should Have Learned Not To Trust Jewelry

Now if anyone asks you to sum up the Salmon Riot, you can.