Signs as Movie Tropes

Aries: when the husband and wife are at the hospital and the wife is giving birth, and when the husband goes to look he passes out

Taurus: give me all of your weapons. *takes out an unrealistic amount of guns and sets them on the table.* i said ALL of them. *takes out even more and sets them down* *staring* *pulls a tiny pistol out and sets it on the table*

Gemini: cool slow motion walkaway from an explosion

Cancer: the one white girl in the horror movie who is running from a serial killer and trips on literally nothing whatsoever

Leo: GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF *smacks*

Virgo: the sad protagonist walking around outside and then bam it suddenly starts raining

Libra: the interrupted kiss that everyone's been waiting for

Scorpio: when the badass character comes out and cocks their gun to show that they are not to be fucked with

Sagittarius: when the unpopular teenager goes away for the summer and comes back *super* hot

Capricorn: the butterfly girl in the movies who is interesting and mysterious and always saying things that sound deep but are actually just really lame

Aquarius: *girl flips a car* boy: how did you do that? Girl: i grew up with three brothers :)

Pisces: the ugly, dumb, asshole husband who is shitty in general who somehow married the totally hot, cute, nice and smart wife

the signs as futile test strategies

Aries: going with "none of the above" everyone once in a while just to be safe

Taurus: skipping all the questions they don't know, but then running out of time in the end and just filling in everything randomly and crossing their fingers

Gemini: trying to make absurd connections on the one thing they remember from class (also conveniently the only thing not on the test smh)

Cancer: hoping their tears will blur their answer, miraculously making it look correct

Leo: going with which ever answer sounds the coolest

Virgo: rewriting charts and mnemonic devices they've memorized, but forgetting them half way and relying on false info the whole test

Libra: writing explanations for all their answers in hopes of somehow convincing the teacher that they are right even though they didn't study and know nothing

Scorpio: thinking everything is a trick question + choosing the obviously wrong answer because of this

Sagittarius: making jokes in their answers so the teacher will laugh, give them extra points for creativity and forget they were even going to mark the question wrong

Capricorn: choosing C on any multiple choice question they don't know the answer to

Aquarius: instead of studying makes signs protesting the test but ends up taking it anyway (if only the whole class would follow their lead)

Pisces: pretending that they totally studied this and making up all the things they learned as they go (warning: this will not work, your teacher knows all about the real subject)

I don't date I...

Fuck: Scorpio, Libra, Aries

Make friends and then fall in love with them: Cancer, Leo, Pisces, Sagittarius, Gemini

Forget to be social anywhere but the internet: Capricorn, Virgo, Aquarius, Taurus

Deep Sea vs Deep Space

Deep Sea: Cancer, Aquarius, Aries, Libra, Capricorn, Taurus

Deep Space: Virgo, Gemini, Leo, Sagittarius, Scorpio, Pisces

The signs as Shakespearean stage directions

Aries: He wrings him by the ears

Taurus: Re-enter PUCK, and BOTTOM with an ass's head

Gemini: All put on their masks

Cancer: Leaps into the grave

Leo: Exit pursued by a bear

Virgo: Scattering flowers

Libra: Wall holds up his fingers

Scorpio: Thunder and lightning. Enter three Witches

Sagittarius: Throws up another skull

Capricorn: The Fairies sing

Aquarius: Enter a messenger with two heads and a hand

Pisces: Enter the Ghosts of the two young Princes

The Signs as Sad Steven Universe Quotes

Aries: "I thought violence would be the answer…"

Taurus: "WHY WON'T YOU JUST LET ME DO THIS FOR YOU, ROSE?"

Gemini: "I never asked for it to be this way! I never asked to be made!"

Cancer: "What do you know about my mom? I didn’t even get to know my mom! But I do know she saw beauty in everything, even in stuff like this! And even in jerks like you!"

Leo: "I'm just a pearl. I'm useless on my own. I need somebody to tell me what to do."

Virgo: "YOU SAID YOU WANTED ME TO BE STRONGER! I'M BEING WHAT YOU WANT!"

Libra: "What am I going to tell you? You're better off not knowing the trouble I'm in. I don't want you to worry about what I've just seen, about where I've just been. You don't have to be a part of this, I don't think I want you to be... you don't need this... you don't need me..."

Scorpio: "I'm Lapis Lazuli, and you can't keep me trapped here anymore!"

Sagittarius: "All they do was try to make up for it, but... they just can't forgive themselves! Do you understand?"

Capricorn: "You work away your life and what does it get you? You get cash. Cash that can’t buy back what the job takes."

Aquarius: "I’m going to disappear without ever making a single friend..."

Pisces: "I was so happy when Garnet said she was gonna come on this trip with me and Dad... Home's been awful! Here's been awful! I thought you wanted to have a fun time but-- Everyone's been acting awful too! It - It just came with us. I don't understand! Is it... Is it me..?"