Sometimes I have trouble believing that Soldier got made…

…but then we’re early in Paul W.S. Anderson’s career. I went to see this in theatres when it came out (and bought the vhs)and I can never tell tell ifs balls out brilliant or bad. consider this.

We’ve got spacesuits and machine guns (the spacesuit is probably a reuse from Event Horizon)

We’ve got these two assholes. Jason Isaacs’ sole purpose is to be smarmy and despicable whilst wearing a lowercase mustache. Gary Busey just spouts off random daddy stories throughout.

Kurt Russell (he’s Todd) and Jason Scott Lee (Caine) get into some good homoerotic shit.

Later he gets dumped to this Garbage planet where I guess Wall-E’s been running nonstop.

Except for this tilted aircraft carrier, who knows how that got there seeing as all their garbage scows are that size or smaller and couldn’t carry it. I think they blew their entire special effects budget on this one shot. It looks nice tho.

The at some point later Todd gets to go to his prom which he forgot to tell Caine when to get there. No worries, he’ll get there soon enough. You’d think he felt underdressed for the occasion.

Guess not. This is probably also the fittest Kurt Russell’s been in any film.

Here’s another Event Horizon castaway, a man of many sweaters.

(that was one bitchin’ sweater)

Yeah not much left in that SFX budget…

I will be crowned Prom King!

Congrats on having a face that would make anyone you meet want to knock your teeth in.

Tell my wife she can have my CD Collection.

Yeah the ones hanging above our hippie bed.

There goes half of their remaining budget with that machine.

Oh there’s two of them? is there anything left in the movie’s budget?

Well there’s enough left for Todd to go full “First Blood” on people.

And tinfoil hats! 

Oh and there’s a subplot with snakes. I forget if there was a snake that followed a colonist on the planet or snakes native to the planet anyway they’re dangerous and yet symbolic of Todd’s hidden humanity and usefulness

Drivin’ thru a Space Graveyard, gonna get my ass handed to me…

Caine makes some awesome faces

I SHAVED MY HEAD FOR THIS MOVIE!

There’s a fight in the rain on a desert planet. Well timed gentlemen.

Okay we get it, you got your vengeance, you can stop puffing up

Oh and there was a bunch of defenceless civilians in this movie that thaw his heart, exile him and then lose all their leaders and fighters so he has defend them.

Yes that’s probably the movie’s selling point right there. I can’t tell tell just how well it defines this….masterpiece.