OK let’s get this mess out of the way, and heeeere’s the creepiest Eichorst yet

Like GAH!, I think I pee’d myself here, I should photoshop the MST3K crew here:

much better

Meanwhile the stolen Breadtruck, which has somehow continued to serve as the Gang’s vehicle, gets a Mad Max facelift

Best Bit was the “group photo” with Setrakian wanting to murder everyone

although runner up,

Really Fet livens up any interaction, Fet and Setrakian are the strongest but if you stick him with Eph then you get all these faces. 

The Born or whatever his name was, does his best Warriors bit

ARE. YOU. READY. (that’s actually all I know, aside from Warriors come out and plaaaay)

It’s not Eichorst’s day as people point fingers and guns (but not fingerguns) all throughout the ep

Just, really depressed that no one else is hamming it up with him

Oh Gus gets to look like his life is flashing before his eyes but we’re not that lucky

Coco, oh Coco. she and Palmer step too far out of line and what was practically written on the screen finally happen

Sorry Coco, maybe you’ll come back as a vampire with most of your faculties intact. maybe not. 

The Night Train gets derailed and Eph pulls out a WAAAALT moment

Sure, that always works. Zach can’t hear you because he’s too busy fucking up

And gets Nora infected by his former-mom and well

Yeah especially since she didn’t die in the book. Apparently the writers were looking to “shake things up” but really it strikes as unneccessary, last minute and lazy writing. Mostly it seems to fuel Eph…

Nora you deserved better.

Ugh right, anyway Zack or Zach or dead meat is taken by his former-mom, Setrakian, Gus , Quinlan and Fet are on a cruise and there’s a voiceover about forestalling the apocalypse and really we don’t end much differently then last seaosn

Okay that’s it for the Strain. 

because I’ve completely neglected it I haven’t posted about the final 2 episodes of the Strain, I’ve just kept it out of my mind because of it’s banality. let’s see if I can remember.

The return of Eph’s hair. oh terrible, terrible hair.

plus side we get Samwise back for  a second

Ok that’s enough of that, basically all these flashbacks serve to remindus that Eph and Nora had a budding relationship that we completly abandoned this season and we’re only bringing this back for a an Emotional Death that really isn’t that emotional (uh, spoilers)

Then there’s Angel:

Who’s doing his best because no one bothered to tell him what parts of Vampire Lore are valid. But Gus’ motives for breaking the convicts at Riker’s are pure

At least it’s marginally more interesting than his once-in-three episodes love story.

Mayor McCheese finally bites the bullet

and really nobody cares, plot advances, goodbye Ron Canada.

Eichorst is his usual cheery self

And Palmer and Coco try assertive power couple for size

(three guesses how that’ll play out)

Really this episode was a lot of setup for the finale and mostly shruggable. Zach didn’t screw up yet but he’s saving his big moment for the season finale.

So this week we find out Eichorst can still taste some human goodies - if filtered through blood.

THere’s gonna be psychological and physical torture too, so fun for all

I always love origin stories and here we see Eichorst pre-Nazi party and he’s a terrible radio salesman.

Which is just adorable for about 2.5 seconds until his bigotry kicks in, noticed by the girl in the office.

Here’s Tommy looking stone faced while receiving imput

(I’ve done that face many times)

Let’s check in on Gus

Okay that’s enough of that, the 1-in-3 ep format doesn’t help him

Dramatic Pineapple cutting

(Pina Colada song)

This is about as much as I’m going to show from this scene, I think it was a wrong direction for the show to go, given that these vamps are essentially sexless, yes Eichorst retains a part of his former self but this is really all about how it affects Fet at the end of the day. The AV Club did a better analysis than I ever could.

Regardless she gets free and the resulting chase is a bit better, but first Eichorst does his best Ross Perot Impersonation

(That’s actually pretty good)

And a parting glance at old Tommy now flicking his cigarette at former colleages and lovers as they lay dead in front of him

Didn’t have much to say about this ep.

I really need to offload these but ok, the last good strain ep there was before the final decline.

Let’s start with Dutch looking cute and revealing some things about herself:

Meaning she’ll be captured by the end of the episode.

Next we have Mayor Canada (that’s not the character’s name bu the actor’s Ron Canada hence Mayor Canada) doing some cheezy lines for the upper crust.

So that Councilwoman Fiero can get in her plan to tax the rich for protection making her look good to the average folk while the rich can pish posh all they want.

Coco meanwhile’s dumped Old Man Winter and has *feelings* and *conflicte* written all over her face.

Which makes her turn into supervillainy all the more fun and funny.

Fet, Setrakian and Nora go chasing after a Fonescu with the slight snag that there are four of them (”there must have been a really virile Fonescu at some time past”) leading them to multiple breaking and enterings.

Eph is getting his assassin’s cred ready with the rifle and wingman

But, as the story dictates, misses and his Coco Chanel instead.

(yay no more octogenarian sex!) that last sentiment was naïve of course.

Fet gets the best laugh in this ep by finding Librarian Fonescu’s secret stash of vintage girlie mags.

Eichorst shows up just in time so that a deal with the master can be made to save Coco’s life, which no one will regret.

This leads to the best exchange of the night as Palmer visits Goodweather in jail and there’s some pretty good face off there. Eventually the Master-in-Bolivar shows up and cures Coco and vampires swarm the police station.

Leading to some intense just-out-of range tongue-ing for 1 surviving cop & Eph

Well Almost

Sarry Brah.

FInally Setrakian lays eyes on the lumen for about 5 seconds and he’s knocked unconscious as one must when one arrives to a goal too soon

And on a last note Dutch has been taken by Eichorst and much ickiness will ensue in the next ep but for now

Same Dutch, same.

I’m really bad at keeping these up to date so apologies, I’ve already finished this season so let’s try to catch up.

Anyway this episode is heavy on the Richard Sammel smiles creepily at things:

it’s even in the new intro music:

 which is only for this episode and I have no explanation as to why it’s only on this one because it’s obviously so much cooler than what they currently have and embraces the campiness of it all.

We’re the morning after Zach let his vampire mom through the door and for once he’s beating himself up for it.

Too bad that lesson is unlearnt by the time the season finale rolls in. oh well.

Meanwhile Councilwoman Fiero has a big techno op in Red Hook that looks super competent

With maps and shit too

So you know it’s going to fail spectacularly, courtesy of creepy mcsmilingnazi

Meanwhile Dutch is going through all the lesbian drama tropes

As soon as the shit hits the fan, mayor Canada decides its time to pack up stakes

and leads to Eph’s best line of the night:

Councilwoman Fiero also reminds you that despite being from Staten Island she knows about dem coyotes

Good shot of the incoming crowd of vampires

Zach meanwhile is now the specialist in knowing what is not a good plan

Sure, Mr.-I-opened-the-door-to-my-vampire-mom. Speaking of, how is vampmom?

Nora picks up Fet’s gun, which of course turns out to be ridiculously oversized

Fet’s face at the same time:

There’s a whole scene where Eichorst is taunting Goodweather about his last name and it’s priceless. But again he caps it off with a winning smile

Setrakian and Goodweather turn out to be lousy shots in this episode despite numerous successful headshots previously and only wing Eichorst.

A good, satisfying episode that shows the true menace of the vamps.

Catching up on these since I’ve already finished the season at work.

We start off with a slightly creepy but immensely enjoyable scene of Eichorst teaching Kelly to pass off as human.

The touches are so gentle and almost caring

Meanwhile what I never wanted to see but knew what was coming happened.

ew.

I can tell you right now you sealed your fate with those words.

Setrakian calls out Fet on his mopey ass

and he’s right, Fet’s at his strongest when he isn’t weighed down by emotions. These two together are also the highlight of this show.

Eichorst trying reaaal hard not to feel hurt by the Master

Points to Cardinal Dead Meat here for his casual dismissal of Setrakian and his doomsaying

(guess who doesn’t survive the episode)

Kelly’s transformation now complete she’s off to find Zach in sealed up Red Hook

“Yes, hello, I am a perfectly normal human worm baby.”

Oh Gus, whose entire arc is disserviced by him missing out a couple of episodes again, wanders about, and gets a kiss from the restauranteur’s daughter

It’s a big fat pile of nobody cares. Thankfully Quinlan takes him away

Nora chews out Eph for what is essentially bad storytelling

And Zach gets everyone in trouble by letting Kelly in.

(weak) oh no, don’t.

please end our suffering and take your kid away already. How does that turn out

yeah that’s what I thought, spiderkids. And one last look at Zach/Zack and still not believing his mom’s evil