Every once in a while I feel like spraying my mouth with silver mist and screaming “WITNESS ME!” but like, not because I’m about to face death or anything, just because I’m being a mostly functional adult.

WITNESS ME! *pays a bill on time*

WITNESS ME! *does laundry and puts it away as soon as it’s dry* 

WITNESS ME! *gets up with the first alarm rather than hitting snooze*

WITNESS ME! *takes out the trash and recycling at the right time*

WITNESS ME! *cleans a season’s worth of trash out of the car*

WITNESS ME! *makes dinner at home then immediately does the dishes*