I kinda want to know exactly how the Bajoran media reported the end of Deep Space Nine.

Like, yeah, "the war ends!" is going to be the main headline, of course, but what is the secondary headline?

"yeah it turns out the pope and Hitler were sleeping together and they killed each other. This is according to Jesus, who is also dead, but came back a bit to let us know.

Also, hell is real, but good news: it's locked away now"

Page 7: sports.

New petitions against tax

Page 9: we ask each of the candidates for Pope about their positions on "fucking (literally) Hitler" and "releasing the demons from their ancient torment" and "teaching the wormhole controversy in schools"

I'm just saying the next Pope better take a HARD STANCE on the issues of "upsetting the balance of good and evil and overthrowing the gods from their thrones to be replaced by demons" and "having sex with the man who managed the genocide of your whole damn planet"

These are the issues that really concern people.