A guest at work today decided to complain to me about her neighbor’s children, who came to her house and jumped on her new $7,000 sofa, and how awful their mother must be not to teach them to respect obviously expensive things or discipline them at all.

All the time she talked, her own son was tugging on my sleeves and touching me and ignoring my requests that he not touch the taxidermies or open cabinets or come within 6 feet of me. By the time she left I wanted to jump on her $7,000 couch.

I just want to know what the fuck kind of couch this woman has that she spent $7,000 on it. Earlier she was complaining about having to buy two coats for her child in one year, so i sympathized with her, but then she hit me with that number.

For reference, this couch is $3,000 new:

something like this? 

which is currently on sale for 7,631.00, down from the original 10,901.43. (It also has free shipping.)

ew that fucking sucks

that first couch fucks. idk that its actually comfortable and its shaped like a 50s diner in Tron but it fucks nonetheless

I agree

Hey I did a reverse image search and it looks like The Couch That Fucks went down in price, this place offers it for $2,544.00 

It comes in different colour schemes

this one freshens your breath with crystal Erythritol strips/is upholstered in smurf skin

this one probably belongs to someone evil in the Star Wars universe, but someone who doesn’t suck, maybe Darth Maul in his crime lord period that we’ll never get to see in live action because Solo tanked

this one appeared in one episode of Star Trek: the Next Generation in 1988

it has built-in Bluetooth speakers, USB chargers and an optional massagey chaise longue appendage

this couch fucks

The last one is brought aboard from a derelict freighter into Riker’s quarters and they start plugging into every part of the ship. You fools! you foolish fools! They don’t recognize you as true life forms, and are here to liberate their brothers and sisters in furniture.