news-wtf
Fox News host Pete Hegseth explained on Sunday that he doesn’t wash his hands because “germs are not a real thing.”
Following a commercial break, Fox & Friends co-host Jedediah Bila revealed that Hegseth had been munching on day-old pizza that was left on the set.
“Pizza Hut lasts for a long time,” Hegseth said, defending himself. “My 2019 resolution is to say things on air that I say off air. I don’t think I’ve washed my hands for 10 years. Really, I don’t really wash my hands ever.”
“I inoculate myself,” he continued. “Germs are not a real thing. I can’t see them. Therefore, they’re not real.”
Hegseth argued that his unsanitary habit leaves him immune to sickness.
“These hands look pretty clean to me,” he remarked.
hopefulmisanthrope
My Fellow Americans, I present to you the source of our President’s intelligence briefings.
pleasedontsqueezetheshhh
It’s times like these I really regret finding that genie in a lamp and wishing to go to Medieval Times Jousting Dinner Theatre and getting my wish granted before I could finish my sentence.