honestly 90% of the enjoyment of this website is watching my mutuals talk abt whatever the fuck they wanna talk about. just wanna reach thru the phone hold their hand and say i love u please continue

Sir John: The twins who misplaced three of their eight total gloves, and tearfully declared that I was NOT HELPING!!!!! when I suggested that they each wear one complete pair until the missing three turned up because they were supposed to each have two pairs!!1!!!

Crozier: The girl who was firmly convinced that she was bad at math, but could organize like a boss and was in fact the quickest Math student in the class, and by the end of the year was voluntarily helping out her classmates by asking them teacher-like guiding questions.

Fitzjames: The girl who enthusiastically raised her hand to answer every question and almost cried when she misidentified Latvia during a class geography game.

Goodsir: The girl who found a caterpillar in her yard and brought it to school because she was afraid it would get hurt when storms hit that weekend.

Silna: The girl who, when I mentioned having gone to a women’s college, looked wearily at her male classmates and said, “Must be nice.”

Blanky: The boy who spent multiple lessons surreptitiously constructing a tank out of scrap paper and scotch tape, complete with cap eraser soldiers, but somehow still finished his work and got an A on the quiz.

Irving: The boy who emailed his classmates to tell them that their conduct (but not his own) was UNACCEPTABLE and VERY INCONSIDERATE, and didn’t understand why this didn’t go over well.

Jopson: The girl who always volunteered to help pass out papers and once wrote me a note apologizing for the class’s interruptions.

Hickey: The boy who figured out the pattern in everyone’s Google logins and proceeded to hack into his classmates’ accounts and add the word POOP to their Google Slide presentations.

Satire is dead.